Year In Review 2019: Tudor Christmas

A little known fact: I really don't care all that much for Christmas.

A previous scan of my other posts you'll read about some combination of gross Christmas ham dishes, excessive excess, hoards of traffic, and we spend 364 days a year looking forward to like one hour, but get mad when that hour goes on a little too long... (I'm looking at you 'random relative').

One year my cousin Jordan secretly opened his presents without asking before all the adults woke up (I feel like its time to tell everyone), and one Christmas morning I used the words "I'm bored" and got in trouble for being bored. I really just should have used the words, "I'm overcome with anticipation, and am tired of watching you eat Christmas ham."

Also one Christmas holiday my grandma made this ham and egg casserole. The only thing I like less than ham, (and salad) is eggs. That was the first Christmas I lost 5 lbs, I only ate clementines and grapes for the whole week.

That being said I watched a documentary last year about Tudor Christmas (Like Henry and Elizabethan times) and it really changed my whole paradigm of what Christmas could be. So I decided last year to celebrate Tudor Christmas on my own - And I plan to for the rest of my life. With the Tudors, it was less build up to December 25th and more spread out with a big celebration culminating on January 6th.

Last night of Tudor Christmas

I flew out to CA on the last day of Tudor Christmas and met Bethany, my Disneyland best friend. Holiday spirit was at an all time high. On our way out the park we went to City Hall and left positive reviews for our Jungle Cruise Tour Guide. We wanted to end 2018 and start 2019 with good vibes.

I'm not sure how I came to the conclusion a year ago but I JUST GOT TIRED. Tired of all the screaming, wailing, sobbing, rolling around on the floor, "I'm triggered", stupid attitudes perpetrated by my 'friends' on facebook. I wanted to comment on all their posts "It's gonna be ok."

...but like 'low key' that's triggering.

They would actually say that, "Don't tell me it's gonna be ok, because it's not ok to say that."

"Um, OK." I would think to myself.

2018 was not a walk in the park for me (although I did do a lot of walking in the park) but with all the negativity I was gonna try and see what I could get out of the universe everyday in 2019. And let me tell you - if you want, you can really get the universe on your side- you just have to change your mindset.

But we have to start with December 31, 2018, because that's when it started...

I spent weeks looking for an accent chair for my room. Having never purchased furniture before I didn't anticipate chairs to cost so much. Well December 31st, I went into a furniture store, which happened to be in it's final days of life (everything had to go), and saw a beautiful chase lounge. I thought to my self, "I will buy the chair for 150$." (It was worth waaaay more than that.) I asked the sales guy if he could give me a deal...and guess what? I got a chase lounge for 150$.

January 1st -I hate going to the movies by myself and avoid it all costs. I couldn't think of a soul to see the Mary Queen of Scots movie with me, so I was forced to go alone. I also discovered a long forgotten fandango gift card from 2016 in my purse standing in line for a ticket. Thank You Universe.

January 2nd - I went to the orthodontist in December to get a retainer made because I had lost my originals, and my teeth were completely jacked up. The assistant started going over my 'treatment plan' for invisilign, which I originally declined. I had a mini panic attack because there was no way I could afford invisilgns. She, now in a panic herself, fetched the orthodontist who told me it was a gift from his son (who I'd gone to high school with - now a dental student). Free Invisiligns? Thank You Universe.

That same week a random customer bought me a gift, my job paid me my training pay- finally, I made my flight for CA, and Bethany let me sleep on her couch, saving me a ridiculous Uber fare. So not bad. Literally every day since December 31st. Something great happens in my life.

February 19th- My family and I took a trip to Chicago to see Hamilton for Aubrielle's birthday. (We lied and said we were going to the Aquarium.) Not very inspiring, we decided to check out the TJ Max downtown and - (you guys know how much I hate clothing and general fashion and can never find anything...) I found the most AMAZING 'CHLOE' SWEATER - on the sale rack no less. I took off my holey sweater that I'd resewn 10 times and trashed it immediately. (I did thank that holey sweater because Marie Kondo does say to thank your things as you throw them away- yes we were into Marie Kondo this year.) Thank You Universe.

PS. The Field Natural History Museum in Chicago is top notch. I love natural history museums because ancient people were just like us, and I think modern people generally forget that we are just like them.

March- March was one of the best months of the year and I don't even like March all that much.

March 5th- I had the day off and they released EK Johnson's book "The Queen's Shadow". I had been waiting a year for it to release. And while not the best book I've read, I really indulged in it.

March 13th - I pulled Aubrielle out of school and we went to NYC for the day for chocolate croissants and Anastasia on Broadway. Christy Altomare, the woman who plays Anya, is the most beautiful and uplifting person, so we had to catch her perform as the Grand Duchess one last time.

March 18- Was revolutionary. I don't know why but I never figured out how to buy clothing and just always struggled to find anything suitable.  I would go to the juniors section and leave with the size 18 pair of jeans a foot too long and then hate myself. March 18th I discovered the women's section (which I previously thought was the old lady section) and found a pair of pants that not only were a reasonable size but also hit me perfectly at the ankle. Why did no one tell me about the women's section? I've been buying crap from Forever 21 and wearing sweats because I didn't know any better. Anyways after March 18 my wardrobe significantly improved.

April- My kiss count was going abysmal cause I was trying to at least double 2019 count- not that I was worried but I did fall in love in April.

So while I didn't find any true love in April, on April 24th I went to Ulta to get more burgundy eyeliner because yes, after months of searching I finally found burgundy eyeliner and they were doing free hair braiding and braided my hair for free. Thanks Universe!

I told them to braid it like the "Capitol" from Hunger Games.

May 16-  I got a free scoop of ice cream because the shop was dead and I was the only customer lol. Thank You Universe.

May 22 - I didn't buy a whole of clothing in 2018 and once I discovered the women's section I really built up my wardrobe in May. I bought a dress from Her Universe that I'd been eyeing for a year- half off thank you very much. Due to my lack of an Instgram boyfriend I didn't get a picture of it this year, but let me tell you...it's an amazing dress like no other. Thank You Universe.

June - You all may surprised to know that I am kinda anti-wedding. Once I found out that the whole business of weddings is basically a "keeping up with Victoria and Albert charade", I was like low key no... I'm done. 

One time I went to a bridal shower and after opening a multitude of gifts the bride shrugged said "Well, my fiance and I have been living together for quite some time and we already have most of this stuff."

I thought in my brain, "Why are we here then?"

Another friend of mine posted 7 days of mimosa's, little black dresses, and instagram photo shoots for her bachelorette extravaganza. While I'm not against a solid vacay with the girls, her wedding wasn't even taking place for another eighteen months, which left me confused.

One of my favorite newlywed couples set up a gofundme account so they could take a year long honeymoon. 1st rule of gofundme - cancer, your house burning down, or loss of limb etc. is the only time you should pander to your friends on Facebook for money. It was so tacky. 

Another friend took a pre wedding honeymoon to a resort in celebration of their upcoming wedding (that's what they posted). So kinda like a pre- honeymoon...but then they went on a real regular-honeymoon??? And while it's great to live with so much abundance, as a bit of a traditionalist I found the pre wedding vacation a bit odd.

I used to get a bit upset when people would have an excessive amounts of wedding receptions. Like "how many Costco sheet cakes and veggie trays can we eat in a month across the US?" And I used Kate and William as example - like they only had one wedding and reception (Do you think your love is better than a royal, that you need this much celebrating?) But then I remembered the royals go on wedding tours, so it's not fair for me to judge people...They're all peasants just trying to keep up with the British Monarchy - and if that makes them happy (shrug)...

I absolutely refuse to attend weddings unless they are family mandated and I'll do my best to avoid the family ones... But I made an exception for a friend this year...

1.) Get flight time. I'll arrive in style in a Cessna-172 and avoid LA traffic.

2.) I'll wear my Her Universe Dress. Insta Pics :)

3.) Bring Pilot friend so I don't have to go alone.

My friend promised to fly with me to Santa Monica and then backed out the moment last minute. I was frustrated because it's one thing to go to a wedding, but another to show up by yourself. (Now I'm not against going places solo, but I've been to many weddings by myself and it's absolutely AWFUL.) 

The morning of the wedding I called every pilot friend I could think of, and everyone was busy or didn't answer.  I resolved I would just rent a car and drive myself. I'd come all this way for the wedding, I might as well suck it up and go. 

I pulled out of the rental car lot and my friend Drake -the busiest man in world- called saying he would fly with me. THANK YOU UNIVERSE! (unfortunately I didn't get any pics of my dress) Also everyone at the wedding thought we were married. That's ok. I like Drake -I guess we are cute together.

Post wedding flight.

July 8th- I want on an all expenses paid Cruise.

I had many mixed feelings and reservations about this cruise because I figured my first cruise would be for my honeymoon and not with my family. Which automatically made me NOT want to go. And for my ritual of daily grounding with the Earth. Yes, I know I fly but I like to get electrons from the earth and you can't do that on a boat.

But it was a free crusie. So I guess...Thanks Universe...?

July 25, 26, 27- I went on a loop of fun with my aunt and uncle, where we went to a bunch of restaurants and ordered single dishes at all of them. July 25th tends to be a generally positive day for me, judging by my facebook memories. The 26th we went to Balboa Island and ate at Corona Del Mar Rubys. And the 28th, Drake and I went on a XC trip to Lake Havasu and I had the BEST In and Out Burger. Can I also say how great it is to be a pilot because we got FREE use out of the cars at the FBO's... THANKS UNIVERSE!

AUGUST  - I was trying to finish my commercial pilot hour requirements and had quite the adventure.

August 7th : My friend Eric and I got stranded in Camarillo after a plane crashed and they shut down airport operations. I'm used to deferring all decisions to the guy, (when I grew up we didn't have Captain Marvel or Elsa) but since I rented the plane, planned the trip and was sitting in the left seat of the plane. I was Captain that day.

Kind of surreal since no one ever grants me such power. I slipped us back into our home airport before the clouds settled in (one of my best landings ever). Eric was such a gracious gentleman and drove me to Disney to meet my family for dinner so I didn't have to Uber. Also I got free dinner. THANKS UNIVERSE and ERIC!

Eric was a great first mate lol

I finished all my flight hours in the beginning of August thanks to a host of flight instructors who gave me free lessons. They saved me thousands of dollars. While I feel like the universe was definitely in my favor, they really came through and helped. Thanks Universe and Graeme, Phil, and Greg!

My time in California ended and I came back to Atlanta. Not gonna lie, mid August was horrible. I had no job, no money, accidentally went on two dates with a pedophile, another date with a guy with bad breath...not to mentioned I got ghosted by someone I genuinely liked. I was supposed to get my commercial license finished in CA but left empty handed. Though not all bad. Someone sent me a check in the mail (to congratulate me on getting my commercial license haha), and I built up enough Starbucks points to gift myself free Starbucks whenever I wanted. Thanks Universe!

September- I found a school in Nashville to finish training (while also about half the cost) and conveniently was able to live with my grandpa the duration of training. THANKS UNIVERSE and Grandpa!

I took Giselle to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in NYC. I was on the fence about which hotel to stay at and went with a random one off the way side and guess what? They upgraded us to a giant suite cause we had to stand in line forever to check in. (These Karens were having a meltdown and there was only one employee.) I didn't mind waiting haha. THANKS UNIVERSE!

Representing the best house.

October: 

Ok, not gonna lie all this positivity compounded into one yearly review is wearing me out. October was ok. I always get sad in October cause I have so many good ideas for a couples costume and  imagine grand ideas like going on a giant loop of Halloween fun. But I did pull together and AMAZING Ms. Peregrine costume thanks to Youtube.

Let's take a moment to shout out mid-October through November - when every single person I knew announced their pregnancy on social media. Now normally this wouldn't be such a big deal, but LITERALLY everyday someone announced their baby. 

It took every ounce of will for me to refrain from posting, 'They had sex.' on every single baby announcement. Let's also pause and go back to the beginning of this post when I wrote about all the sobbing, wailing, physically collapsing triggered people out there...

So many people have....oh... HAD, infertility and were just so triggered by the term "Miracle Baby." Dear lord- I read so many books, blog posts, facebook rants, and raves about how angry these women were, believing the were never going get their 'miracle baby'. These women were collapsing in parking lots, bawling in shopping malls, and hyperventilating themselves into panic attacks. 

Reassuring them that they - one day - would get their 'miracle baby' sent them into a firery rampant ugly crying range. Then they told everyone on social media how angry they were that [insert any well meaning friend, doctor, relative, coworker] said, "Be patient, you'll get your miracle baby..." 

Vibe Check.

I really wanted to tell these women how triggered they made ME because they have husbands, houses, hobbies, vacations... and in all of the crap they shared about their infertility - not once did they stop to be grateful or even acknowledge the universe working in their favor.

ALL those women are pregnant now - cue massive eye roll.

November:

I became an official commercial pilot and spent seven days learning to fly multiengine ariplanes in Montana. Let me tell you Montana in the last true American frontier. Southern Hospitality is absolute bullshit compared to my experience in MT. Every single person I came into contact with was overwhelmingly, enthusiastically, helpful. And it wasn't like I was announcing I was a foreigner or anything. I can't even go to Panda Express in my hometown because it's just better in Helena. 

IDK maybe it was just the universe, but on my last night there I asked two guys from the airport if they wanted to get dinner with me to celebrate...they went above and beyond. They helped me return my rental car, drove me to dinner, paid for my dinner, checked flights for me, drove me to my hotel, and still message me every couple of days. Like is that even real life? Thanks Universe!

The people in Montana were overwhelmingly kind.

December:

Still even up until December 30th -as I am currently typing something great happens everyday. Even when the day ahead doesn't seem so great, the Universe manifests something unique. 

Even fleeting thoughts come to past. I was putting on my eyeliner and thought how great it would be if I had some highlight - later a random relative who knows nothing about my makeup regime, gives me highlight as an early birthday present.  

Or... I had to work a horrible shift on Christmas Eve and guess what I saw on my way to work? A Peregrine Falcon. I've never seen one before and it absolutely made my whole day. Did you see my Halloween Costume lol

Anyways it was an absolutely great year all around for me. For those of you who spent time and energy pandering negativity, being triggered and complaining on social media - I thoroughly enjoyed the abundant laughs. I hope you can figure out the universe is on your side in 2020. 

Alrighty friends we still have 6 days left of Tudor Christmas. Partying doesn't stop until January 5th. I've been ham and casserole free the first 6 days let's keep it that way the next six lol. 

Year In Review 2018

Remember how "terrible" 2016 was and everyone was posting stupid memes like this…

And my 2016 was pretty much a normal year so I made this meme…

I was too sad at the end of 2017 to write anything or make fun of anyone. Though I do recall trying to write something out but scrapped it.

I am ready to review 2018 though so let's get started.

My family was devastated at the loss of Patton, and very much so my mom…If you know her, you know she is a very fancy, refined and classy lady. Think Cora, from Downton Abbey.

There are places I could never picture her going, but she on her own accord ventured to an animal shelter to find a new dog.

My mom taking us to the animal shelter.

Most people spend seven or eight months picking a name for a baby, and we spent like seven or eight seconds picking out a name for our shelter dog. I really wish we had taken a few extra moments since everyone unanimously (except my mom) can't stand her name. Poppy- sounds like potty (makes going potty confusing) and Aubi (the nickname for my sister). When I am in the house yelling for Poppy, Aubi is the one who responds.

I was hoping Poppy would be keen for fetching bow and arrows like Patton, but she is more into sitting in chairs like a human.

I left for California mid-January. I was still really sad - for like a long time. But afternoon trips to Disneyland did make me feel a little better.

I was living with my Aunt and Uncle - which sounds way more Pride and Prejudice than it actually was. We had a running inside joke. I didn't want to be uncouth and impede on their hospitality despite their assurances that I was 'cool' - so I tried to phase every request with…" Now, I want to make sure I'm having good boundaries (cue giggles) but I can I have dinner, go to Disneyland, borrow your car etc...? hahahaha

I was heading off to another 'all by myself'Valentine's day at the library but they invited me to Disneyland with them. And let me tell you, Valentine's day at Disneyland is the best. No crowds, ALL the princes are out and because we are generally fancy people, who don't wait in lines, that day we decided to tour Carthy Circle.

Carthy Circle is in Disneyland California Adventure, but it's just a replica. The original theater was torn down, but our guide hyped up the statue erected in its place in downtown LA.

My cousin Henry had to visit museums for his class so we decided to visit the statue after atteding the holocaust museum in LA (which did leave me a bit traumatized). 

It wasn't worth the hour of traffic we fought.

Carthy Circle theater statue and garbage can lol.

February I read an article about how a lady walked 20,000 steps a day and lost a bunch of weight. I thought I might give it a go and my aunt was on board. There are A LOT of miles in 20,000 steps and we became obsessed with hitting that number or higher every day.

We would get up at 6am and just walk. If we had to pick up groceries - we walked. Want to go to lunch? - walk. Oh, we are free for the next few hours? Let's go for a walk.

I really took it to the extreme and was running and walking in any spare moment I could. I went to Disneyland by myself and would loop around the park until I'd hit 25,000 or 30,000. I got horrible blisters, like quarter sized ones, after walking from Huntington to Newport and back, then some more.

After 2 months I'd only lost 5lbs and was really bored of my playlists so that was a short-lived hyperfocus.

Corona Del Mar is my favorite place of all the places to walk.

My friend was performing in the tour of the King and I. I call her my friend because we had some silly antics in ballet class back in 2010, but I honestly don't think she remembered me lol. But she met me at the stage door none the less and showed me backstage. Super fun.

She was one of the King of Siam's wives lol.

There was also A LOT of flying in there. I would have been more braggy about it, but my instructor was probably pushing 80 and I didn't think he would understand my millennial need to gloat about my adventures every day. So I never took pics.

 

A few years ago I heard about this thing called Dapper Day, and it seriously sounded like the best thing ever. Fanciest clothes you own + Disneyland = perfect day. Despite having an annual Disneyland pass the last 6 years, I avoided going on Sunday's (and Dapper Day because it's only on Sunday's) because I was trying to be righteously perfect and never break the sabbath day. 

I decided I couldn't spend another Sunday indoors dying from lack movement and boredom, in hopes Jesus would spare me from some firery end. I attended my first Dapper Day in April, and my Mint Julep dress was AMAZING!!!!

I don't ever talk about it but I'm crossing my finger's for reincarnation at this point. See there isn't enough time for me to do everything I need to do. I have a list of things I want/need to do, but my pockets are pretty empty and I'll admit sometimes it is easier to watch Netflix than do stuff on my list. But I've always wanted to design costumes and beautiful clothes because I HATE traditional fashion. 

I told my mom this and she got upset saying sewing lessons, would have been a lot cheaper than an instrument rating. But honestly, both were on my list. So with the help of my aunt, (she helped like 5%) I sewed my first costume for Star Wars night at Disneyland.

 

I spent my time in CA sharing a room with my cousin Henry - you gotta do what you gotta do to survive lol and I got to bask in the glow of Fortnite every night before bed (thanks Jett for the spelling).

Once my other cousins returned from college it was quite the party and I got to wake up most mornings with Jackson dangling over the top bunk holding a prequel memes in my face. "Chloe, are you awake? Check out this meme." lol

Prequel memes are life.

At this point, I'd reached the peak of summer and still was kind of bumming around by myself most days. I had some fun times at Disneyland though. And good outfits. Always good outfits.

Honestly, my least favorite Rey (she works like all the shifts lol) but my Phasma shoes were on point.

July was a real turning point because after months and months and months and months of entertaining myself by myself lol, with experimental step counts, tasting all my favorite gelato flavors and basically pining for some new conversation I finally made some new friends.

To read about the specific friends jump here to the previous blog post.

Disneyland Meetup

I have this terrible problem. I only make friends when I'm on my way out. I'll go months without any new conversation and just as I'm about to jet off again, new engaging people waltz into my life. And the cycle repeats itself. 

Back in 2016 I lived with these girls, and my last night of living in the house with them we all played a game. I really hadn't spoken to them at all the whole time of living there and they were really nice. I spent so many nights there feeling completely isolated. Why on earth did I wait until my departure to make friends with them? Clearly, that's one of my flaws.

Summer was beginning to fade and I spent as many free evenings as I could with my new found friends at Disneyland. I even applied to jobs and went to Disney auditions (which I hate auditions and performing) because I was keen on staying and holding onto those friends for dear life. But the allure of regaining some freedom and space back in Atlanta was too great. I had spent every ounce of will money, and perserverance taking my instrument check ride, and I was spent.

Of course, that didn't deter me from a marathon of Disneyland filled celebrations my last week in California.

See? Same Rey, different day lol.

I'm going to let you in on a secret. I'm kind of tired of Disneyland. Everyone thinks I'm like this big Disney fan but I just go there for the friends, Starbucks, and sunshine. If my friends were drinking Starbucks at a regular grass park, I'd rather go there than Disneyland lol. I kind of internally cringe when I see people shell out big bucks for Disney. Honestly, it's a giant internal eye roll in my part.

"ooooooh, you're going to Disney….LAME lol."

So, of course, my parents decided to hit up Disney World (the worst- Disneyland only for me lol)  for fall break for the Halloween party. The Halloween party is cool though… I mean Disney is LIT for Dapper Day, Star Wars Night and Halloween because you can wear cool clothes.

And my costume for Mickey's Not So Scary Halloween Party was so lit, Disney reached out to me on instagram and asked for my permission to use my photo in Halloween promotions. I didn't see my picture pop up anywhere, but I was just thrilled to be asked because obviously, my costuming skills are superior.

"Gimmie some of those man' catching bengints." Also it takes a very special person to survive Disney in heels. Watch out Dapper Day 2019 ;)

Ok, getting close to the present.

So, I'm back in ATL. Business as usual. 

Growing up I had this weird mentality that I should wait to buy nice things because I didn't have a perfect job, or a perfect life. I believed was no point to surround myself with beautiful things until I could afford to have them at all the same time. 

In 2016 I spent a whole year sleeping on a mattress on the floor with holey sheets because even though I had the money to buy a nice bed, I didn't have enough money to have my own room, or house. I spent the whole year regretting even buying the mattress figuring I could have saved the 100$ and just slept on the floor.  

The infamous mattress on the floor.

During Thanksgiving this year I decided that I deserve nice beautiful things and I spent the entirety of my money (don't worry I recouped it all) on silk bathrobes, framed art, beautiful pillows, decorative mirrors and boutique clothing. I'm not wearing clothes with holes in them, or sleeping on the floor with Walmart pillows, or old pajamas anymore. So that's good and I feel much better with my personal space.

I'll be doing a room unveiling in 2019 so watch out lol ;)

The only downside to returning to ATL was the loss of my flesh and blood Disney friends. I've got like 500 facebook friends, but everyone knows that facebook friends aren't real lol. JK they are, but I don't talk to them. So I started the process again, Tinder, Bumble, only to be met with casual sex offers…

So there is always my Kung fu crowed, but my job schedule is unpredictable and I'm just too mentally exhautsed to be aggressive and fight people lol. And while I love my kung fu friends dearly they are mostly older gentlemen who are married.

In an act of brazen impulsivity- because I thought I was going to die lol (ok that was an exaggeration but like mental anguish from lack of personal social interaction) I signed up for ballroom dance lessons. (Now I know the last time I took a dance classing everyone flipped out. 'cue massive eyeroll. So I won't say where, and I'm sure most people haven't made it this far down anyway…but it was AMAZING. I felt better than I had since leaving CA.

I just wrote beginner on the intake form because I've never had any formal ballroom training. But they were quite surprised at my skill and adeptness.

 "Oh, well I do have a degree in dance, just haven't done any ballroom..." lol

I know I'm going to be their star pupil in 2019.

Over Christmas I asked my cousin, who just finished her first semester of college, what her kiss count was. Just to kind of gauge how I was doing for the year…Well, she kissed 8 people in one semester and I kissed 2 1/2 in an entire year…so I gotta work on that in 2019.

My birthday is today and like every year I'd like to kiss someone at midnight but as my luck will have it I missed the mark again. So in the theme of 2018 I'll end this with a prequel meme. 

Meetup at Disneyland

There is an app called Meetup.

I had no idea what to expect.

As a product of the millennial generation I have no qualms jumping into cars driven by strangers, or meeting dating swipes at restaurants. Like what our parents taught us "Don't talk to strangers," millennial's embrace the opposite. I picked a Disneyland Meetup Group. Figuring the tight security and the ability to disappear into a crowd a benefit if things got hairy.

Awkward level 500.

Imagine that Professor Trelawny, Cho Chang, and a middle aged muggle magician get together for an evening to ride rides at Disneyland. How long would you personally last in joining the group? Yeah I was ready to bail about 10 minutes in. Initially I had my eyes on Cho Chang as a potential friend, because she looked my age, but then found out she was either painfully quiet or didn't speak good English. (Still not sure, never saw her again.)

A muggle magician, Professor Trelawny, and Cho Chang spend the evening together,

I spent most of the evening talking to the muggle magician, who REALLY IS a magician, named Randy...And because I'd already given my number to many older gentlemen at the airport (to study) that week I added him to my social media accounts.

I lasted a solid 3 hours before I gracefully excused myself.

Following the rather disastrous meetup group. I moved onto Bumble, a dating app, which also includes a feature to swipe for a best friend. It's one thing to swipe for dates, but quite odd to swipe for a best friend.

"What qualities does one look for in a best friend?" I thought to myself. Because I don't feel like we get to choose who are friends are generally, they just develop overtime. So I decided to be liberal in my swiping - sparing no race, size, creed or profession... though I didn't swipe yes to any yogi/vegan type people because I don't like yoga or salads.

Yeah, swiping for a best friend is weird and nothing came out of the experience.

So I moved to the "swipe for a date" side of Bumble. And let me tell you... Those young men spared no time or detail of what they would "do" to me. And despite the many offers, I declined and deleted the app.

So I feel like it is a good time to clear up any rumors or misconceptions. A few years ago I cut off all my hair because I was having a really rough time, and Emma Watson had cut off her hair too (she was my favorite actress). I also donned A LOT of black sweats for the purpose of trying to hide how embarrassed I was about gaining weight.  Despite the short haircut and rather odd wardrobe, I have never wavered in my crush on Robert Downey Jr.

Soooooooo good looking.

Just wanted to make sure everyone knew.

When I was a freshman in college, my roommate told me I should force myself to date someone, because I needed to practice being in a relationship even if I didn't like the guy. (Since I never had boyfriend.) I scoped out the apartment complex for a beta male, not too cute, but not too ugly- to try and force myself into a "practice" relationship, only to discover the said roommate making out with him.

So I get that nearly 10 years later at age 27, there are 6th graders with probably more dating experience than me, and for whatever reason, my roommate's advice seems to echo chamber in my thoughts occasionally. I decided it was time to force myself to date someone for practice. So I downloaded many dating apps and went to work.

Dating Apps are the WORST.

If you are NOT a millenial and have never used a dating app and are married - download a dating app just for the laughs. It's horrible and cringey'. And a great spectacle of human bizareness.

I settled on a guy named *Carter (name changed obviously). He was educated, and basic. He passed my stringent photo requirements (no fish pictures, no beer pictures, no bathroom/gym selfies, must include photos with friends of multiple genders, full length body shots, no awkward cropping.) And I really tried hard to force myself to like and date him.

Carter was extremely thoughtful, and kind. I had to work hard to find qualities I didn't like about him. Except that I did NOT "like" him. Carter was the only second person I kissed. And I really did not like kissing him. I felt like I wasn't fair, because you shouldn't compare people. But compared to the first guy, Carter's kissing made me "ick". But I was in the long haul so despite the off putting kissing I continued.

My true friends know that I don't go out of my way. I don't ever make an effort to hang out with people, or do stuff, or generally be sociable. But despite my inner protests I continued to make plans with Carter and go out, because "you gotta force yourself into a relationship with someone for practice."

Poor Carter, I would let him kiss me in public, then he would ask "awwwww want to go to someplace more quiet, or watch a movie?"

I know what that means.

"Nope!"

It got worse and worse. He drove me crazy. Caressing my back in public, caressing his thumb against my thumb, the weird moaning he'd do when we kissed, trying to get me to sing in the car (do people not know that I feel very uncomfortable with singing?)...  cringe level 1000%.

That was a weird 3 weeks.

The final date with Carter, I left straight for Disneyland to meet the muggle magician Randy. After an experience like that you gotta lean on your friends, and Randy was my only one.

Randy the Muggle Magician

I started meeting Randy every Sunday afternoon. He was part of a much larger and more diverse Disneyland meet-up group. It was overwhelming the amount of people, so I just talked to Randy at first. Eventually I met others - but mostly it was an endless supply of older women who followed Randy to the Jolly Holiday for salads, when everyone else went for burgers (I would get the grilled cheese and soup ;) I don't like salads.

The meetup group was an iceberg moving through Disneyland. Comprised of the widowed, divorced, disabled, eternal bachelors and old maids. I hoped someone my age would filter through. And finally they did.

I used Randy for my introductions. It's exhasutinng for me to be extroverted and excited to meet people because I have to swallow my anxiety and true self. I had accepted that I may never have another tangible friendship with a female my age ( I mean I have friends who are girls, but they aren't accessible or available), most of them already have children or husbands, boyfriends, or established friendhsips, or important jobs of their own.

But finally one showed up. A guy my age as well. Both in the same day.

I met Bethany, though I suppose only certain types of people go to meetups. So pairing our both reserved personalities it wasn't friendship at first sight. And I only noticed Quang because he looked a bit lost and I could tell from movement analysis he was millitary.

But we eventually formed a nice trio. We started spending Sunday's away from the group.

I was pretty smitten with Quang, because ever since I watched Mulan, any Asain male with resonable fighting skills is bascially Li Shang. lol

#smitten with Li Shang

Quang was on a pretty short lease from the Army, so it turned into the Chloe and Bethany show. Especially after we took a secret mid-week trip to Disneyland without the group. Oooops sorry Randy haha.

It's pretty much my life's dream to have a Disney best friend. I follow lots of Disney instagrammers and they are always going to Disney with their pals. And just like I call any particular male my age my "_______ boyfriend", and particular female my age is my "_______ best friend."

Accidental Matching.

Bethany even wore a dress to Disney because I wear lots of dresses to disneyland.

We spent a lot of time at Disneyland together. We like the same rides basically and Starbucks, and I haven't seen her eat salad yet so I'd say we are pretty well matched lol (I should probably ask if she likes salad - and I'm pretty sure she doesn't do yoga either haha...)

Disney Best Friend

But for now I am back East. No more Disney Best Friends. No more Randy the muggle magician. Carter sent me a pretty gross snapchat of him eating a cupcake in reverse. Not sure it it was revenge for kinda ghosting him or if he felt I'd enjoy watching that. ( I mean come on, picture yourself eating a cupcake, what would if look like in reverse?...yeah so gross.)

Can't believe I ever kissed him because my freshman roommate from 10 years ago, who I don't ever speak to, (I might add) off handedly suggested I force myself to date someone. Worst advice ever. LOL