YEAR IN REVIW 2021

I know I said I wasn't going to do a year in review, but I think I might have burned all my dopamine on TikTok the past few weeks. After the Harry Potter 20th Anniversary Special, I felt I needed a new book like Harry Potter to change my life, but I couldn't settle into one. Absolute blandness from every word on the page (and I got my book recommendations from TikTok so you know it's legit.) Instead, I decided to put on my Planet Naboo ASMR City Night Star Wars Ambience Relax and Study Background Music and decided to start working on my Year of Review 2021.

Reflecting on past Year in Reviews, I know I love to make fun of the ridiculous things people (my friends) post and lived through on social media, while writing how great and superior my year was. Though, had you asked in November my thoughts on the past year - I wished 2021 to be erased from my personal history as it was a grueling nightmare. I fought through most days with an over saturation of meditating, personal growth books, manifesting, phone alarms, "Today is going to be an amazing day", gratitude affirming bull sh**.

Me every single day.

It wasn't necessarily a bad 'situation'. It was actually coveted. But amidst the anger, resentment, and at times daily crying, I tried to be grateful. I'd lay in bed thinking about getting a tattoo, maybe taking up vaping, or possibly starting alcohol...one of my friends admitted to going to the Shell gas station, buying a cigar and smoking it on the curb, "just to feel something." I don't know what it was. Maybe it was us. But it was not a life I was suited for.

When my friend bought a cigar at the gas station.

But I have had six glorious weeks of rest: My persistent cough immediately ceased after stepping off the plane, my stressed induced parsomia is gone, I finally sleep uninterrupted, I no longer get sick every morning, I can eat and drink at my leisure, and be outside. Oh the gloriousness of being able to take a daily walk in my neighborhood is euphoric. 

But in true fashion let's look at the good, dramatic and funny parts of 2021.

So I made a vision board last January- as you should at the beginning of the year. And in the past, I'm  really good at following through in my intentions. This year I was absolutely dedicated to a life overhaul and unfortunately guys I did NOT get the house in Corona Del Mar, the new Volkswagen, the gold forest canopy four poster bed I've been looking at for years, nor did I fly a jet, BUT you know what? I got some friends. That was on my vision board, and lemme just say... I'm in a group chat. I may never see those people, but I get to hear from them at least once a day. 

I also got real in person friends for a time. And not friends of convienence, but real genuine people. So when I went back to review my board, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude that I did in fact get one thing - friends. 

So January - March eh... I think bulleted is better for now:

- I've been trying bubble tea all across America this past year and let me just say. I had some of the WORST bubble tea ever in Ocala FL. "It was so bad I want to give you a zero, but that's not possible, so I give you a one." 

- I went to the Kennedy Space Center. TBH I was a little disappointed - it wasn't as cool as I was expecting. We also went to Universal Studios one evening. Having friends to go ride rides with is sublime.

Evening at Universal Studios

-I brought my cousin Claire with me to CA and stayed at the most beautiful resort hotel in Newport Beach. Claire is still in college and I do admit, I did leave her unsupervised when I went to Naples Ristorante E-Bar for lunch and she got very sunburned lol. Also I met Claire's boyfriend who, probably should quit his job and get a modeling contract. I don\"t say this lightly as I am quite critical, but it's time - modeling only from now on. 

Now March was an absolute all time low. Like I don't even know. It was like my brain ceased functioning, and it wasn't even like the circumstances were all that dire. It's very possible it was self inflicted as I have no chill, but I can't even put into words or articulate how bad it was. I did make it to April somehow in one piece. And that is where things get interesting.

Everyday.

Now, I had many well intending church youth leaders growing up. On more than one occasion, for girl\"s youth night activity, we would cut up bridal magazines and plan our weddings. Then I sat through, "Decade of Decisions" Sunday Church services all through my time in college.  These Sunday topics continued into my mid twenties were I suddenly became the oldest single female in the congregation. It was not an ideal place for me to be.

I became an object of community speculation - don't worry guys - the rumors always come around. I also surmised my singularity was the subject matter over private family dinners, after male cousins telling me, "We feel sorry you aren't married Chloe," on several occasions.

Can I just say one thing? Everyone is on their own timeline. And in Spring I found someone ;)

Online dating is awful. It is a cesspool of horribleness. If I have one more guy message me WYD. I will throw my phone. But anyways I got on a religious dating app (as a joke) and had a successful match. Pretty sure we began throwing the "M" word around before our first date. And it wasn\"t like stranger messaging stranger. We knew the family, and he basically came papered. 

I had spent the past three months doing sixty-five days of meditating and reading personal growth books. And while finding a husband wasn't necessarily one of my end goals. I was like, "Hallelujah, someone to rescue me." I was fully convinced the universe sent me this man and I began making pilgrammages to Charleston as often as I could.

Now I really hadn't learned a previous lesson in which where Chloe went on prior pilgrimages to Myrtle Beach, Dallas, Salt Lake, and London for other young men. (London guy was lovely, but the others hurt my heart...) And I've had to make a new rule and look myself in mirror and say, "WE DO NOT TRAVEL FOR MEN." 

Anyways- I had never had a real Boyfriend before so it was all very novel to me. Many phone calls ended with me crying and I overlooked A LOT of questionable (red) flags while visiting, but I thought it was great.

We dated for three months. 

I even mustered the courage to hesitantly mumble "I love you" after our three month annerversiry - he had told his family I was reluctant to do so. He said it early on in our relationship, which I always thought was little soon..but maybe he just knew.

I returned to traveling and things began to get a little quiet on his end. I wasn't too concerned as his family was in town and he was taking care of appointments. But in one Facebook post I knew. And I wish I had read more novels on being the villain, than personal growth, because I was still polite after he called with a prepared list of insults, (and I despise past Chloe for being polite.) 

I could list some of the things he prepared, but really it boils down to his ideal match is a instagram model gamer girl broodmare. 

I now realize the Universe sent him as a lesson, "Chloe, we do not lower our standards for anyone."

Wow we took up way too much time with that. Let's get into the Best yet Worst Summer ever (Where we only focus on the good fun things that happened.)

I met up with Andrea and Emily July 1st. I was sitting in the back seat thinking "Who are these women (I already knew Emily) but like all of us together. It could go badly. Or great. And it was just the normal, "tread carefully",  "don't be too obnoxious", thinking- "OMG who does this girl think she is", kind of beginning. 

Accurate picture of Emily, Andrea and me.

We began making our way east, and Andrea and I went to Subway. Maybe it's just me and my insecurities, but I cautiously ordered first. I really wanted cookies but I didn't want Andrea to think I was "that kind of girl". I know, so stupid, we are all adults. But when Andrea ordered cookies and then let me add a few cookies of my own to her order. A careful friendship was born. 

A few days later we were sitting in an ice cream shop when I finally opened up and told them what had transpired. "He broke up with me, but I only felt sad for like 5 minutes at the Econo Lodge in Sioux Center, " thus forming a beautiful funny friendship.

We ended Upstate, and took a wonderful hike up Watkins Glen. (One of the things I am grateful for was seeing so much of the US - places I otherwise would have never known existed.)

Actual Picture of Emily, Andrea and me in Watkins Glen

Emily laughed at everything I said, which made me laugh, and I don't remember if Andrea was laughing but Emily left for her vacation home and I kind of panicked. "What am I going to say to Andrea? She is basically an influencer and WAY cooler than me." But what really sealed the Best Friend of 2021 was the discovery that we both - from our separate hotel rooms - were eating chocolate in the nude while watching Twilight. 

From there it was 'Chloe and Andrea's Summer 2021 Loop of Fun'. Lots of Insomnia Cookies, Ivy League College Tours, Chick-Fil-A, Pizza, Donuts, "How many boats of garlic knots do you want?" and Bubble Tea- anytime we could spare. (And while writing this I pointed out to Andrea how our friendship really centers around food - to which she reminded me that food was the only way to get our Serotonin and Dopamine levels up during the summer.)

Getting that dopamine hit.

In August, after stumbling into the operations base after a long day, I asked Andrea, "Do you want to go for a ride at night? I think Jim will do it for free." Andrea and I lived for drama, and we found out Jim had been married to the base manager for a really long time, but had since divorced. We worked with Jim during our stay, and he and his staff were so nice and accommodating. Jim gave us ride one day and said it would be real great if we could mention all the nice things he was doing for us to the base manager. "Oh we can totally find a way to slip that in."

Andrea and I eventually made it to the coast. Things were temporarily better. There is always a novelty being in a new place. We had constant giggles, especially taking a road called S-N-E everyday (We called it THE SNEEE.) It went South, North and East. We also got the full Percy Jackson experience trying to find Chick-Fil-A in the Mohegan Sun Casino, but only an hour transpired.

In September Andrea got a new boyfriend and I got into Shiba Inu ;) TBH I was slightly disgruntled and jealous (Sorry Andrea)- not at Andrea getting a boyfriend, but it was just less fun, and we didn't laugh as much (except for the trip to Yale, when we trolled the group chat formally known as Star Crossed Lovers - Which by the way, is a story I always like to lead with meeting new people.)

Yale Tour 2021

Overall, the days just dragged on and on and on. I did meet a new friend named Eamonn though. We actually went on a few dates. He confused me so much. Not his person confusing me, but he was young and had all these amazing things. It wouldn't be fair to say I've been dating down the last few years, but Eamonn seemed way out of my league. Sailboat, airplane, designer cars, house, more cars, drones, not to mention he was polite, and courteous. Wait - "when did you graduate from college? How old are you? How much of this was from Dodgecoin?"

Date with Eamonn

One of our dates, while crusing down the coast with the top down, someone from the street [while at a stoplight] asked, "What kind of car is that?"

Eamonn screamed, "It's a Corolla!" and sped off.

It was not a Corolla. 

Also props to Eamonn for swimming in the ocean with me. This is not a slight to Andrea, because in her defense, the waves were really big the day we went to the beach, and the other time when she wasn’t keen to swim in her clothes like I was. But so many of my friends and beach dates, have sat on the shore while I’ve rolled around in the waves and it was real nice of Eamonn to swim with me.

I took a break early October and thank the stars a coveted interview aligned perfectly with my schedule. I went to Ann Taylor and told them I needed help finding the most perfect outfit. I thought I had to wear a jacket and pencil skirt - two articles of clothing I horrendously despise -but one of the staff brought me the most amazing dress. Let me tell you, this dress was made for ME. I bought the standard jacket and pencil skirt, but I couldn't leave without the dress, so I bought it too. While doing the standard family fashion show, it was agreed no matter the interview, I HAD to wear the dress. And I did in fact, get the job.

The dress and they flew me to the interview...how cool is that?

After my interview I flew to Orlando and met Lainey, who so nicely prepared my favorite snacks and ironed my clothes for me at midnight for Harry Potter World the next day. I really think I was a princess in a previous life because I love those kinds of small touches. I wanted to look my absolute Wizarding best and wore wedge heels to the park. And yes I got terrible blisters, but I also got amazing photos and bought a wand. It was quite the jolly holiday as my cousin Jackson was there too and he's really fun. #thefez

The wedges that gave me blisters, also look how wrinkle free my dress is  :)

I expected the remainder of the year would be a coast to a halt, but November felt like I was continusouly getting trampled or drowned. It was akin to fighting the battle of Helm's Deep, and when Andrea finally returned it was like she was the White Wizard arriving to save the day. There wasn't even time for a proper loop of fun, but we did manage to crawl out one morning absolutely downtrodden to Starbucks. And stepping into the hall that morning we just started laughing because we looked so distressed and disheveled. 

Andrea and I on the way to Starbucks.

I eventually returned home and slept properly for nearly the first time in a year. The more weeks that pass from my return, the softer I recall the memories of this past year, and no longer wish it obliviated from my memory. 

I had resolved to do thirty-one things for my Golden Birthday but only managed a few things off my list. I was actually quite sad on my birthday, but it was the fitting end to 2021 and thankgoodess I've stepped onto the threshold of 2022.

Me floating into 2022 :)