Meetup at Disneyland

There is an app called Meetup.

I had no idea what to expect.

As a product of the millennial generation I have no qualms jumping into cars driven by strangers, or meeting dating swipes at restaurants. Like what our parents taught us "Don't talk to strangers," millennial's embrace the opposite. I picked a Disneyland Meetup Group. Figuring the tight security and the ability to disappear into a crowd a benefit if things got hairy.

Awkward level 500.

Imagine that Professor Trelawny, Cho Chang, and a middle aged muggle magician get together for an evening to ride rides at Disneyland. How long would you personally last in joining the group? Yeah I was ready to bail about 10 minutes in. Initially I had my eyes on Cho Chang as a potential friend, because she looked my age, but then found out she was either painfully quiet or didn't speak good English. (Still not sure, never saw her again.)

A muggle magician, Professor Trelawny, and Cho Chang spend the evening together,

I spent most of the evening talking to the muggle magician, who REALLY IS a magician, named Randy...And because I'd already given my number to many older gentlemen at the airport (to study) that week I added him to my social media accounts.

I lasted a solid 3 hours before I gracefully excused myself.

Following the rather disastrous meetup group. I moved onto Bumble, a dating app, which also includes a feature to swipe for a best friend. It's one thing to swipe for dates, but quite odd to swipe for a best friend.

"What qualities does one look for in a best friend?" I thought to myself. Because I don't feel like we get to choose who are friends are generally, they just develop overtime. So I decided to be liberal in my swiping - sparing no race, size, creed or profession... though I didn't swipe yes to any yogi/vegan type people because I don't like yoga or salads.

Yeah, swiping for a best friend is weird and nothing came out of the experience.

So I moved to the "swipe for a date" side of Bumble. And let me tell you... Those young men spared no time or detail of what they would "do" to me. And despite the many offers, I declined and deleted the app.

So I feel like it is a good time to clear up any rumors or misconceptions. A few years ago I cut off all my hair because I was having a really rough time, and Emma Watson had cut off her hair too (she was my favorite actress). I also donned A LOT of black sweats for the purpose of trying to hide how embarrassed I was about gaining weight.  Despite the short haircut and rather odd wardrobe, I have never wavered in my crush on Robert Downey Jr.

Soooooooo good looking.

Just wanted to make sure everyone knew.

When I was a freshman in college, my roommate told me I should force myself to date someone, because I needed to practice being in a relationship even if I didn't like the guy. (Since I never had boyfriend.) I scoped out the apartment complex for a beta male, not too cute, but not too ugly- to try and force myself into a "practice" relationship, only to discover the said roommate making out with him.

So I get that nearly 10 years later at age 27, there are 6th graders with probably more dating experience than me, and for whatever reason, my roommate's advice seems to echo chamber in my thoughts occasionally. I decided it was time to force myself to date someone for practice. So I downloaded many dating apps and went to work.

Dating Apps are the WORST.

If you are NOT a millenial and have never used a dating app and are married - download a dating app just for the laughs. It's horrible and cringey'. And a great spectacle of human bizareness.

I settled on a guy named *Carter (name changed obviously). He was educated, and basic. He passed my stringent photo requirements (no fish pictures, no beer pictures, no bathroom/gym selfies, must include photos with friends of multiple genders, full length body shots, no awkward cropping.) And I really tried hard to force myself to like and date him.

Carter was extremely thoughtful, and kind. I had to work hard to find qualities I didn't like about him. Except that I did NOT "like" him. Carter was the only second person I kissed. And I really did not like kissing him. I felt like I wasn't fair, because you shouldn't compare people. But compared to the first guy, Carter's kissing made me "ick". But I was in the long haul so despite the off putting kissing I continued.

My true friends know that I don't go out of my way. I don't ever make an effort to hang out with people, or do stuff, or generally be sociable. But despite my inner protests I continued to make plans with Carter and go out, because "you gotta force yourself into a relationship with someone for practice."

Poor Carter, I would let him kiss me in public, then he would ask "awwwww want to go to someplace more quiet, or watch a movie?"

I know what that means.

"Nope!"

It got worse and worse. He drove me crazy. Caressing my back in public, caressing his thumb against my thumb, the weird moaning he'd do when we kissed, trying to get me to sing in the car (do people not know that I feel very uncomfortable with singing?)...  cringe level 1000%.

That was a weird 3 weeks.

The final date with Carter, I left straight for Disneyland to meet the muggle magician Randy. After an experience like that you gotta lean on your friends, and Randy was my only one.

Randy the Muggle Magician

I started meeting Randy every Sunday afternoon. He was part of a much larger and more diverse Disneyland meet-up group. It was overwhelming the amount of people, so I just talked to Randy at first. Eventually I met others - but mostly it was an endless supply of older women who followed Randy to the Jolly Holiday for salads, when everyone else went for burgers (I would get the grilled cheese and soup ;) I don't like salads.

The meetup group was an iceberg moving through Disneyland. Comprised of the widowed, divorced, disabled, eternal bachelors and old maids. I hoped someone my age would filter through. And finally they did.

I used Randy for my introductions. It's exhasutinng for me to be extroverted and excited to meet people because I have to swallow my anxiety and true self. I had accepted that I may never have another tangible friendship with a female my age ( I mean I have friends who are girls, but they aren't accessible or available), most of them already have children or husbands, boyfriends, or established friendhsips, or important jobs of their own.

But finally one showed up. A guy my age as well. Both in the same day.

I met Bethany, though I suppose only certain types of people go to meetups. So pairing our both reserved personalities it wasn't friendship at first sight. And I only noticed Quang because he looked a bit lost and I could tell from movement analysis he was millitary.

But we eventually formed a nice trio. We started spending Sunday's away from the group.

I was pretty smitten with Quang, because ever since I watched Mulan, any Asain male with resonable fighting skills is bascially Li Shang. lol

#smitten with Li Shang

Quang was on a pretty short lease from the Army, so it turned into the Chloe and Bethany show. Especially after we took a secret mid-week trip to Disneyland without the group. Oooops sorry Randy haha.

It's pretty much my life's dream to have a Disney best friend. I follow lots of Disney instagrammers and they are always going to Disney with their pals. And just like I call any particular male my age my "_______ boyfriend", and particular female my age is my "_______ best friend."

Accidental Matching.

Bethany even wore a dress to Disney because I wear lots of dresses to disneyland.

We spent a lot of time at Disneyland together. We like the same rides basically and Starbucks, and I haven't seen her eat salad yet so I'd say we are pretty well matched lol (I should probably ask if she likes salad - and I'm pretty sure she doesn't do yoga either haha...)

Disney Best Friend

But for now I am back East. No more Disney Best Friends. No more Randy the muggle magician. Carter sent me a pretty gross snapchat of him eating a cupcake in reverse. Not sure it it was revenge for kinda ghosting him or if he felt I'd enjoy watching that. ( I mean come on, picture yourself eating a cupcake, what would if look like in reverse?...yeah so gross.)

Can't believe I ever kissed him because my freshman roommate from 10 years ago, who I don't ever speak to, (I might add) off handedly suggested I force myself to date someone. Worst advice ever. LOL