If the Disney’s “The Big Green” was set in 2015

I let "J" watch Disney’s 1995 movie “The Big Green”. I feel bad because it was totally inappropriate for a kid growing up in 2015. Culture has changed A LOT in 20 years and I told "J" to never repeat the behaviors he saw in the movie. 

Disney's The Big Green rated PG

Here is what would happen if the kids in the movie lived in 2015 instead of 1995.

In the beginning of the movie, a group of boys (probably ages 10 to 12) bike around their town of Elma, TX and stop off at the park. 2015 - Boys go to the park by themselves. Adult notices they are unaccompanied by a parent. Police called. CPS investigates each child’s parents. 

At the park, the boys are covering themselves with Cheetos to attract birds because, “There’s nothing to do in Elma, TX”. A concerned teacher sprays them down with a hose. 2015 - Food shaming. How dare you give your children GMO laden Cheetos? Teacher is placed on administrative leave and investigated for abuse, and berated by parents for hosing their kids with water.

At school, Kate has a pocket knife that she flashes repeatedly to the new teacher. 2015 - Kate is arrested and sent to Juvenile Hall. Placed on ADHD, Anxiety, and Anti-Depressant medication. The rest of class is visited by a school counselor, who follows up with those who have traumatic stress from associating with Kate.

The twins say what makes them special is their asthma, and get their inhalers out of their desk. 2015 - Twins have a parent note and doctor’s signature that says they may use their inhalers which are locked up in the nurse’s office. Nurse doesn’t believe they need their inhaler and thinks they are just trying to get out of class when they can’t breathe. (According to “AZ” my sister.)

The boys like to pick on the local Sheriff, so they purposely kick a ball at his windshield. 2015 - Boys kick ball at policeman’s car. Depending on the race of the kid, they will be shot at, or thrown in jail for attacking a policeman. 

The teacher jogs around town in a bare-midriff, red jogging suit, while her students pedal behind her on bikes. The sheriff tries to flirt with the new teacher. 2015 - Teacher makes local news for public indecency after parent complaints, later makes a public apology to school. The teacher reports the sheriff for sexual harassment, who is placed on administrative leave. The story eventually makes national news and feminists blow up twitter with #feministsforchange

While driving the kids to their first game, the sheriff tells the rowdy boys “I will tan your hides.” 2015 - Sheriff is investigated for verbal and mental abuse, with intent to harm  minors. Forced to make an apology to students and their parents. Parent’s sign a petition to have the sheriff removed from the department.

The newly formed soccer team does not have any cleats or shin guards, but play anyways. 

2015 - The is team barred from playing due to the liability of bruised shins.

The team practices soccer in thunder and rain. 2015 - Practice is cancelled at the first sound of thunder. Practice does not resume until several days later after the have fields have dried.

Larry has hallucinations that the the other players are knights, ninjas and zombies. 2015 - Larry is taken to a psychologist and treated for schizophrenia and bi polar disorders. He also receives an IEP at school.

AND THE ABSOLUTE BIGGEST THING (which didn't even happen in 1995, because I played soccer…) Was that they kept score in the games. Everyone knows you don’t keep score in soccer. Everyone is a winner. Especially in 2015. Even the losers and the kids who don’t show up get trophies.

Now let's all be good parents and responsible adults and go write scathing reviews of Netflix for listing The Big Green in the children's section. #removebiggreen 

April Kung Fu and Modern Dance Philosophy

I did some Kung Fu in April. Here is the video.

I don't even know what to say about April. 

My dad bought in to the doughnut business, so everyday is a struggle to avoid the sweet, melt-in-your -mouth- fried dough, that sneaks itself into our kitchen every other day. My dad wants all of us to get into the doughnut business but I get over-whelmed thinking about doughnuts.

On the other hand, I have decided to sneak away and start a new life beginning July 2015. If it doesn't work out though, I've got doughnuts to back me up. 

"They are trying to fatten us up."

I'm going to Boston again this weekend for more BioCored training. I can't stand the thought of other people knowing more than me in BioCored, so I just keep continuing and going and going. I really wish it was not this weekend though. So many important things going on.

I have a great idea for a Kung Fu related dance piece, for the secret dance company Movement Conservatory. I need to know more Kung Fu to accomplish what I need to make it great. 

I later watched some modern dance pieces and decided my own personal philosophy about modern dance. I used to believe in this "dance for art purposes sake". But now I can barely stomach a few minutes of contemporary modern dance. If it's not flinching and flailing around on the floor, it's crotch shots and overly emotional, or underly emotional feeling. 

I decided if you can't get your point across in 3 minutes or less please don't punish your audience. (This idea is the opposite of what they taught us in school - The senior projects were required to be at least 10 minutes. I did a solo, so it was only 4. Two minutes of that project were unnecessary. Seriously. I hope one of them sees this as well) 

This year I did have the opportunity to teach a 45 minute teen modern class.


It's been hard to fit in warming up, technique, conditioning and choreography.  I have one kid that sees me outside of class for conditioning and technique. All the levels are different, but I think it will be fairly decent for a piece of REAL choreography on neuro typical kids.

Kung Fu Update 3/9

I went to Kung Fu on Feb 21.  And then hit or miss of Sanda every other week before and after.

They changed the time of my regular class to 8pm. My day is wound down by 8pm so it's hard to go back out. I suspect I'm just lazy because I don't work 40 hours a week, but by 8:00 I just want to hole myself up and block everything out.

A few weeks ago I decided I wanted to do ballet again and talked myself into going. Having previously stopped all non Kung Fu related art forms, I went to class. It wasn't noteworthy, and it wasn't the class I wanted to take, but I went. I want to try African Dance too, and more capoeira.

2 weeks ago I almost flew to CA to audition for Disney. I started packing and thought about it all day. My friend was hired by Disney after months of trying and she'd found the secret ticket to getting hired. But I work six days a week, and I feel guilty missing. I talked myself out of it, unpacked, then spent all weekend creating a secret fake dance company. Well, it was fake. Now it's real, because all the dancers I listed thought it was a good idea.

Screen Shot. It's still a secret. So no public access for a while.

I watched some dance videos. And the choreography... even though it was cool, it had modern dance cookie cutter feel to it. My secret dance company can do more than just standard modern dance. I have lots of ideas.

I do not think burnt out is the right word to describe my lack of Kung Fu motivation. But I wake up in the mornings intending to do everything, plus Kung Fu or Sanda training, and then 7:30 comes around and I can't fathom venturing back out. 

That's all.

Epic Facebook Response Rant

People have been posting all sorts of crazy on Facebook today. I wanted to share my thoughts on my blog platform, because that's just cooler.

Vaccines  

I've got all my shots.

I don't get the flu shot though.

What the big bummer of not getting the flu shot this year, is that I have not contracted the flu yet. Just the other day my friend, who never leaves his house, spent all day puking his brains out (flu shot and all)...and I'm like WTH?
-I hold hands with multiple little "year" olds everyday.
-I roll around on the dirty floor everyday.
-I crawl... on the floor everyday.
-I wipe snotty noses, hold doors, kiss my dog.

And I got a mini cold on the evening of December 21. Emphasize the mini part cause I was better the next morning. I cannot remember the last time I had the flu, but I secrectly would like to get it so I could loose 5 pounds ;)

Forced to wear yoga pants, and t-shirt.
Also this is hott legging A. S.

Leggings 

I think leggings are funny.  My friend A. S. looks so good in leggings. -Ok, totally not creeper side story right here, but once A. S. got the flu...a really bad strain and probably lost 10 pounds. She looked so good in those leggings...I wanted to tell her "Dang, you look really hott in those leggings."-

I think leggings are sloppy in dance performances. I once walked out of a show because of the costumes. Can you not think of anything better than black leggings and baggy t-shirts? lol

I don't wear leggings, but I also don't wear jeans- t shirts, leg warmers, ankle boots, the color orange, vests, monokinis, yoga pants, tennis shoes or toe socks.


Football

I once nannied for a family, and had to take the son to all his athletic games. So I'm watching football (my second game in my whole life), not too much going on. Just looking at the funny uniforms, all that padding ... half the people didn't make contact with anyone on the field.

The next day I'm watching him do lacrosse (first time ever viewing the sport), and the same thing, padding, padding, padding, and that huge helmet. All so the players can stay safe from the lacrosse sticks...

Then it dawned on me. Lacrosse and Football must be wussie sports due to the amount of padding. In kung fu you don't wear anything. Remember my post about Iron Crotch??? Why are our American athletes wearing so much padding? The kung fu monks can take a beating anywhere literally...

Minimal padding in Sanda...probably influenced by western ideas.

Revisiting Sanda

I go back and forth about Sanda every week. 

There is a guy from Kung Fu I like. We've been out a few times, and I always ask him out. I decided to do the thing where I wait for him to ask me out. Gosh it was really difficult to be patient like that. But he suggested I come to Sanda with him. It wasn't a date but of course I said yes. 

So I skipped out on cake, (was a birthday party) and headed to Sanda.

One of the things that I feel uncomfortable about in Sanda as I girl, I feel like I just can't cut it...I mean I'm not a hard-nose feminists trying to eventually outdo the men. Just my weak arms, lack of testortone, little to none training...who wants to fight that lol?

So we start hitting the punching bags and my form was all off and the teacher "H" comes over, and all I can't think to say is "Sorry I'm kind of weak." 

I was partnered up with M, who I've worked with before, and did my best to take him down. I will say even though I wasn't that great SO MANY GOOD IDEAS FOR MODERN DANCE!!!! I was thinking lets all just stop, do some contact improv and dance :)

There was a lack of sparring equipment, "M" was the only one who had a helmet so the instuctor told us we all would take turns punching the crap out of him while he dodged our blows.

I felt like an airhead as the put me in...(weak arms + being a girl) I forgot that I was only supposed to be hitting him. He kept dodging my blows and ducking under so I decided to tackle my body aross his shoulders. He stood up with me suspended in the air and we momentarily has this beautful modern dance moment.

My second turn came and I remembered my Kung Fu trainig. Kung Fu and Sanda go hand in hand and I gave "M" several blows to head and recieved some "Nice Shot" comments from Sifu. 

I think I'm going to switch out a Kung Fu class for Sanda. 

(Video starts at 18 sec. Movement reminds of things done in Sanda.)

30 Degrees

Today in Atlanta the high was in the 30's.

The building in which we do Kung Fu is basically a large concrete and metal warehouse. It was a like doing Kung Fu in a giant refrigerator.

There is a women who religiously drives an hour and half to Fu 3 times a week. She has a teenage son, who Fu's as well and I always figured she was one of those "cool" moms. The other day she brought a 4 year old, and I asked if it was her daughter. Nope...her granddaughter.

Well, since I am fighting someone's grandma now, it kind of changes everything. I can't beat up a grandma, no matter how young and hip she is lol.

Well everyone is getting pretty comfortable and familiar with form lately and tonight, and R was overseeing the groups, and told me I should do this and then that, and the young, hip grandma and I hit shins together so hard. This is how I felt, and what came to mind.

I think that's it. Just wanted to let everyone know I was alive.
I guess I could make a list of my adventures.

-Bought my first thing off Ebay.
-Won "Dancing With the Stars" in Atlanta ;)
-Made Crepes
-Took a real Pilates job...terrified about it
-Went through a pair of red flats in one month
-And the Russians are begging me to resume my Argentinean Tango training.

And that's all I can think of at the moment. Because...well...this week actually was actually pretty (insert obscure, nondescript, negative adjective here). But there is only one week until Thanksgiving. And I cannot wait.

Tea and Tai Chi

There are only two things I enjoy waking up early for.

1.) Disneyland

During college I went to DLand A LOT.  J and I always wore the same outfits, Beatles and Black.

 2.) Kung Fu

I can't believe it took me 22 years to figure out my life's purpose...to do Kung Fu.)

Despite enduring an exhaustive weekend, I planned to arrive at Kung Fu for the 8am Tai Chi class. Usually I force myself to get up around 8:30, but 7am came and I was reared and ready to go by 7:20.

Now Tai Chi, or Taiji, is the master of all Kung Fu's so of course I wasn't going to pass up an opportunity to Fu, and what better way to start the day? They also offered tea after class, and I love tea!

I did not like Tai Chi. So slow. Tai Chi is like water bending (not my style at all), and is all breath dominated. We went through a form and Sifu told us it should be done in 28 breaths...and I said "We were supposed to breathe?" Though the tea was the best part. Hands down was the best part of Monday. Definitely will be going back for the tea...