Year in Review 2024
My family likes to tease because my default is medieval history documentaries. I've seen them all. I've sat through Great History courses and thirty hour audiobooks because I literally cannot get enough. My mind is blown away how wild and crazy it was back then, and here we are now in our asfault, franchise, copy paste lives.
I like to think of the people back then. Wow. hahaha
I didn't know anything, (or was cognizant if I had ever learned anything), about medieval history until late high school when I took a world history class.
I was carrying a secret that I had watched the 1999 classic, "The Messenger" about Joan of Arc in ten minute increments online, when Youtube used to be good. Growing up religious, I knew that movie was really NOT appropriate and not inline with the values I was supposed to adhere. I purposely didn't look up the rating so I could "play dumb" at judgement day.
But I couldn't stop watching medieval movies.
I was further tempted to watch (also in 10 minute increments on YouTube) the 1998 "Elizabeth" movie about Elizabeth the 1st. I liked that movie so much it was one of my first online purchases. I felt so guilty about it being rated R I purposely snapped the disk the day it arrived in the mail because I felt so bad being tempted.
So what does this have to do with my Year in Review? Here it is.
I was really suffering from lack of human connection and warmth in my life. With Poppy passing away, I was sleeping alone every night. And the strain of being perpetually single had taken an enormous toll and consumed almost all my waking thoughts.
I did try mentioning it to my friends (all of whom are married or partnered)... They would scoff at how lucky I was to be single, and that relationships didn't matter.
If I wasn't crying myself to sleep at night from the isolation, I would sit and count the years that had gone by since I'd been kissed. I would try to figure out how many months had passed since I had received a friendly hug.
I took a big trip to Europe in February and March, which was a much needed distraction. I hoped I might find someone in the travel group to date. There were only two men. Despite the lipstick, the Chanel perfume, acrylic nails and boyfriend back home in New Zealand, Jerwin danced with me at a tavern in Inverness and it meant so much to me.
By April I had become so miserable.
I was watching a movie about Anne Boylen. A film I had definitely snuck and watched in high school, now on Netflix. I smirked to myself during the movie how relieved I was to have finally moved on in my life, and could watch whatever I wanted guilt free.
I might have been guilt free, but I was absolutely resentful of everything I had been taught and believed growing up. I felt so stunted and robbed of a rich vibrant life, because I had been so attuned to the rules. My resentment dominated nearly all my personal conversations and consumed me.
Spirit Guide, Angel, God, my own intuition or what... but a VERY clear voice from the ether, came to my forethought and said "Stop. Stop living in the past."
I stood up, turned the movie off, and resolved right there to let it go. I had to stop giving the past power over my present.
A day later I was called on a premium assignment to Nevada. I was very happy about the double pay lol.
While in my hotel though, I agonized about going back home. Returning home to my lonely basement to spend another week in isolation waiting for my next assignment seemed unbearable.
I didn't go home.
I caught an early flight to the Rockies. And after talking and debriefing with friends over lunch I decided to move on with my life and stop the madness of living with so much resentment.
That diversion carried me through a few weeks. I felt cool, calm and confident.
The feelings eventually ran out though, and I felt worse than I ever felt in my entire life. I'm not without trying though. I pushed through daily meditations, researching, and manifesting. I attended a large dating event. After the event, I tried to sneak out but several male attendees followed me to my car and knocked on my window demanding my number.
I was horrified at the experience. And decided no more dating events.
June 9th I was on assignment in Tennessee and had reached the pinnacle. I had toured my newlywed cousins beautiful 600k home that her husband had just bought her. She had many beautiful dogs, drove a cool car, was prepping for vacation in Thailand. I had met her husband again and he was so tall and nice, and smelled good. That I went back to my hotel and cried so hard I threw up.
But good news. That was the last time I cried this year because since June 10th my life has been an absolute bull run and has exponentially gotten so much better.
I love being me in my 30's.
I try to live by the rule never talk about your job online, but let me just tell you.
I have my absolute dream job.
I love living my life on my own terms and I literally do whatever I want since June 10th.
I was invited to vacation with a family from the community whose son I had been on a few dates. This was huge. No one had ever invited me on vacation before. It felt right in my gut to say yes and I spent a week getting to know Sam better. And we had decided to date officially after the trip.
I like to joke that now that my Maslow's Hierarchy Pyramid is complete I might actually transcend now.
Despite the family's protest about "training". I brought our new dog Violette downstairs and unless I am on an assignment I never sleep alone anymore.
I was able to go on a fancy vacation and see the Lord of the Rings musical with Sam, dress up in a couples costume for Halloween, attend Universal's Halloween Horror Nights, and spend Christmas with someone.
Sam was definitely on board to spend Twelfth Night at Disneyland as tradition dictates.
Sam also watches all the medieval documentaries I want to watch.
The second half of 2024 was one of my best.
