For Alicia - who asked, "Please don't put this in your blog."
Why would I write about that?
Anyways, I did not.
One of my favorite things about 2022 and it just progressively gets better every passing year, is the lack authenticity and realism. I could never possibly write the whole truth. So, for all of you - you get the watered down unapologetically dull version haha
And unsurprisingly it's much too scandalous to write about the first three weeks of January 2022.
So, we pick up: END of JANUARY
After 2021, which was a hellscape, yearlong nightmarish ordeal...I'm happy to report, I did NOT cry on the way to airport en route to Texas for training (like I did every subsequent time I went to the airport in 2021). I expected everything to be better from that moment forward, and I was excited.
Not only that, my friend Zach offered to pick me up from the airport so I wouldn't have to take the hotel shuttle. We went to dinner, bought some snacks, and he bid me farewell at the doors of the hotel.
I had been to the same hotel nearly - exactly two years prior to visit my friend Josh. This was back when I used to "chase" him around the US for a few kisses and company. The last time I had seen him had been this very hotel. He had eventually gone and married someone else. I checked into my room and mentally calculated the last time I had been kissed... eight months.
I did feel a pang of loneliness but brushed it off. Everything was supposed to get better.
I suppose my expectations for human decency had been surprising low, because I felt giddy during the first few weeks of training. They let us have a 10-minute break every hour, unlimited hot chocolate - provided free, an hour lunch, and everyone was exceedingly pleasant. I had never been treated so well in my whole life by an organization.
And I'd met my 2022 Best Friend Cara on Day 1 - though it did take a few weeks to solidify. Throughout training I went and visited her suite nearly every day for a few minutes of gossip and laughing.
FEBURARY
Training relocated to Colorado the first week of February. With the expectation that everything was supposed to be better this year, I had quietly and intensely resolved to regain my strength and agility. Going against the personality of regular Chloe (who would never be caught in a gym at the early morning hours), I would get up at 6am and force myself to exercise. Sometimes even after training had finished in the evening, I'd race back to the hotel gym. I was a little unhinged but I was determined to emerge a new person at the end of training.
Besides Cara, there was only one other significant person in my life beginning of the year. It was Sam.
I don't know how we even became friends? Trauma bonding from existing together in 2021 I suppose. But it had morphed into a yearlong Snapchat streak and meme exchange. I felt confident in our friendship (and that he wouldn't report me to HR), that I was able to breach the polite meme exchange, for sending the raunchiest most irreverent memes that came through my algorithm.
Sam was a few weeks ahead of me in training and we decided to meet for a lunch date. I pictured a relaxed, joke reverberation, humor filled afternoon. Sam treated me to the most sterile, cold, business meeting, where he spoke in near monotone about what to expect in training. I like to remind him periodically that it was the worst date I had even been on and it hadn’t been worth washing my hair for.
Most sterile cold date I've ever been on. <3 Sam
MARCH
It came time to choose partners for the remainder of our training. Everyone in class was given seniority by hire date. Higher seniority meant better time slots and locations for training, and through no fault of my own, I was near the bottom of the class.
I am extremely particular of people and when the announcement was made Friday afternoon, I spent the weekend interviewing potential partners, especially those with higher seniority than me.
My first choice: Alec. He was friendly, held the highest seniority, and had good vibes all around. He turned me down.
I debriefed all the potential partners I'd interviewed with Cara, because she didn't have a partner either. Vibes were off slightly and I had a hunch she was waiting for me to ask her to partner up... Finally, towards the end of the weekend she finally gave an offhanded suggestion, "We could be partners?"
It didn't feel great to turn Cara down, because she was my 2022 best friend. But Cara and I seemed too similar. And how was I supposed to be seriously studying when I just liked having fun and chatting with her. Could our friendship weather the most stressful part of training if we spent every moment together and were forced to witness the intimate failures that we were sure to experience?
Cara was my last resort because BFF > Partner, so I settled on a quiet and unknown guy named Paul. He was only two spots higher than me in seniority and had one stipulation - We had to finish our training in Colorado. (even though training options were available in cities across the US and Europe.)
The morning came to bid, and as I walked into class, Alec pulled me aside and said he'd like to be my partner now, because his fell through, and everyone else was taken. I groaned. I would have much rather been with Alec than Paul, but I had already made the arrangement and felt stupid backing out.
"I'm sorry, I can't." I replied.
We were instructed to sit in order of seniority, except someone new was sitting in the number one spot now, making Alec number two in the class. We had others join different phases of training periodically and this guy must have just been thrown into the bid, which kind of sucked because he couldn't pick his partner. I just saw the back of his head, and thought his teal plaid shirt was real nice.
We did a round introductions for the new instructor and unknown guy #1 was Ryan from Birmingham. I loved that. No one is ever from the true South, and I revel in people from my own "country."
Because Ryan was now number one in the class, he selected the time slot and location he wanted for the last phase of training: 4am in Missouri, with only a few days break between training blocks.
The partner bid continued, and because no one knew Ryan, and everyone was already spoken for, AND who in their right mind would want to train at 4am in Missouri, Ryan's partner slot remained open.
The Colorado spots were going fast and if Paul was adamant we train there, we would face serious delays in training. I was starting to get nervous. I just wanted training to be over, and not going to lie...I hated Colorado and was miserable since it had been snowing for a month now.
"I can't do it. I can't be your partner." I whispered to Paul. "I can't wait a month just so you can be in Colorado."
"It's like a month long paid vacation." He retorted.
I just shook my head. "I can't."
The bid came to Paul and he picked an evening time slot in Colorado, with thirty days in between training blocks.
Then eventually me, "4am, Missouri..." with Ryan from Birmingham.
APRIL
Ryan was knowledgeable, cool, and collected. I was absolutely relieved he turned out to be a complimentary partner. He held my hand through the systems course, studying every night with Cara and Alec too.
I tried to be the upmost professional and leave any personal details and matters out of my interactions with Ryan until a few weeks after the bid. During a programming class, he leaned over and whispered, "where did you go to school?"
I smiled and gave my standard reply I give to people when they ask, "I don't like to say because it's not indicative of who I am," and then lowering my voice, "But I went BYU."
Ryan grinned and chuckled, "I went to BYU too - Idaho. It's not who I am anymore either."
I beamed.
"What major?" He prodded.
Then I sighed... "I used to be really thin," is how I always start the answer, "I was a dance major, but I don't like telling people that either."
Ryan was grinning ear to ear now. "I was on the modern dance team at BYU Idaho." He whipped out his phone to show me a quintessential modern dance photo shoot series.
"Did you serve a mission?" I asked.
"Yes, Italy. I speak Italian." He replied. (Margaret would like that.)
"So, when is our wedding?" I asked smiling. (Of course, I suddenly had crush on Ryan, and ran to Cara's suite to tell her the news. Ryan would wait another week to tell me he already had a girlfriend.)
Ryan and I - the quintessential modern dance photos
Ryan and I finished our training in Colorado and met up a few days later in Missouri for the most important part of our training. And we rocked Days 1 - 5.
Day 6... and we started to absolutely falter. I couldn't even force myself to exercise anymore. It was like my body and brain had absolutely given up. I suppose I had been running on pure adrenaline since January. But April was the last time I went to gym.
Ryan and I at 4am
I don't know how we made it through, but Ryan and I both passed training relatively unscathed. We bid each other farewell, and went home for a few weeks of much needed rest before the practical part of training began.
MAY
The first three weeks of May I never slept in the same bed twice and was exhausted.
I began by traveling from Atlanta to Salt Lake City. I checked into the company provided hotel, and not going to lie I was a little nervous for my first day. I tossed and turned all night. I dressed the next morning, opting for the long-sleeved version of the uniform, (because it seemed more regal) and immediately had eyeliner explode all over it. Of course.
I arrived at the gate and boarded. It was finally coming together, and it was going to be better from this moment on. My first leg ever: Salt Lake City to Palm Springs.
We finished the night in Kalispell, Montana. I was so tired from not sleeping the night before, sitting in the airport for hours in between flights, and horrible jet lag. But the flight attendants and captain were excited about hiking the next morning. I could have slept all day, but didn't want to miss the opportunity to see somewhere new.
Kalispell, MT
Two weeks later, I was signed off from the practical part of training and started my new life: 'homeless' and carless in Salt Lake City. (I tried to get a crash pad but was ultimately scammed. I got my money back but was wary and suspicious of crash pads going forward.)
I had a few days off after training, not enough time to go home to Georgia, but called Rachel and asked if I could sleep on her couch for a few days to recover in exchange for some work at their business. So, I jetted off to California, straight from the airport to slinging burgers.
Me trying to rest and get nutrition in CA.
JUNE
So that became my life - spend five or six days wasting away in Salt Lake hoping for an assignment (sometimes with relatives and sometimes hotels), then three days in California, passed out on my aunt’s couch, helping with their day to day activities.
I would sit and day dream about sleeping in a beautiful room, with a comfortable bed, and having a kitchen to make my favorite foods whenever I wanted. I was very frustrated at the whole situation. I liked my job (when there were trips), but my quality of life was not great. There was the option of starting a life in Salt Lake, surrendering, but everything was wildly expensive, I just don't like Utah, and the thought of being there permanently made me uneasy.
I was searching the whole country for a used car and the prices were astronomical (knowing that a car would ease my stress just a little). Finding a room? I had rented rooms in Salt Lake before and never paid more than 300$. Those same rooms went now for 600 or 700$...Because there is no war in Ba Sing Se.
I continued to live as a vagabond of sorts. But on the days I did have work it was great. Especially the long layovers. I really liked the Montana overnights, especially Missoula. The hotel was brand new and clean - the city safe and the air fresh.
JULY
I began checking in and out of the Renaissance Hotel in downtown Salt Lake, but it was tricky. I would arrive from California, take the train to city center, check in for one night, then check out at the last possible moment, have the hotel hold my luggage and wander around the city for 8 or 9 hours (hoping for an assignment.) And if I didn't get called, I'd check back into the hotel and start the process over.
It was horribly hot, so I spent most of my time at the City Creek Mall, or the movie theater at the Gateway. I'd rent scooters and go to fancy coffee houses, anything to fill the time.
The loneliness would get to me too, so I called up my friend Joshua from college and we would hike, and go to brunch a lot. One of the highlights was my friend Zach passing though. We rode scooters and got smoothies, and teased our friends (Sam) in the group chat.
The flying was sporadic, but always came with a relief that I wouldn't have to worry about a car or transportation. Sometimes we stayed in the absolute most fancy hotels, my favorite being The Graduate, a boutique hotel chain. We stayed at The Graduate Nashville, which was pink and Dolly Parton themed. My family met me there, and we went and saw Top Gun.
Top Gun overnight
My housing situation started to deteriorate towards the end of July, where it was two parts gratitude and two parts absolute misery. And quite funny and a good story. I can't write it down. It was bad. Shocking. And wow I can't believe I lived as I did for a few weeks.
It was rough enough (and I was very grateful) for me to try and attempt getting a crash pad again.
AUGUST
We came to an absolute low point when I lost the key to the apartment my cousin had offered to let me use. It was a far distance from the airport. It made me nervous to be so far, especially since I could get called at 3am and usually had no car and probably no ubers that early.
I did have a rental car the day I lost the key though, so I checked in to a horribly expensive Hampton Inn. Didn't sleep at all that night. Thank goodness got into the apartment the next morning. Packed up my few belongings. Drove to the airport. And slept all day in the crew room.
First - I had to get a crash pad. Second - I had to get out of Salt Lake - so I put in for a base transfer.
I found a non-scam crash pad, and would be transferred to San Diego in October. Relief.
The flying was always good. I always got lucky with decent weather. I liked making friends with the flight attendants and running into my friends at different airports. Never in my life had I been treated so well, little Chloe wanted to grow up and be royalty. This job was probably the closest I'd ever get to "Queen."
Friends in the airport
My dad purchased a car in Salt Lake City, and let me drive it for a few weeks. I cannot express how life changing and amazing having a car and somewhere to sleep consistently is for a person. The crash pad was working out nicely too. Granted it was like summer camp, bunk beds and four of us to a room. Though, no one batted an eye when I slept through the afternoon on a weekday.
There was a lot of drama around the industry during the summer, as other companies had started paying their employees astronomical amounts of money of due to shortages. Think 100% raises...money like that. The place Cara and I worked had yet to implement changes or raises. And Cara had seen her own 'horrors' in a crash pad up in Washington, sharing a room with 6 men and no air conditioning, that we decided to both interview for another company.
When the toilet got clogged at Cara's crash pad.
Cara and I both received offers. Cara was assigned to start September and I was assigned October. I resigned to the universe that if we were meant to train together again I would be moved into her class.
I finished my tenure in Salt Lake City. And returned home mid-September.
SEPTEMBER - NOVEMBER
I was not enthused about going into training again, especially since the last one wiped me out completely. But rumor was this new company boasted the best quality of life throughout the industry and Cara I were ready. As luck would have it, they offered me the option of joining Cara's class, and a week later we were both en route to Florida.
I made a pathetic attempt to restart my unhinged exercise regime but lasted all of two days before I just didn't have anything to give towards it.
We didn't get to pick partners this time either, it was randomly assigned. Even though round two I would have definitely gone with Cara, but we tried to play it cool that we weren't as close friends as we were. There were quite a few other women and we tried to make new alliances with them.
Making new alliances :)
My partner liked walking home from the training center and even though it was quite far, I walked with him to supplement my lack of exercise.
And then we fell into the same routine of studying until my head hurt, 4am training sessions, and barely holding on to all the information thrust upon us.
Even though I don't like the stress of training, it was pleasant to make new friends, and I felt much better training in Florida in fall, rather than Colorado in the winter. My mood and overall health felt better as I could study on a patio in the sunshine everyday rather, than be locked away for 3 months in snowy darkness.
We finished training and then had two weeks to convalesce before the practical start of training.
DECEMBER
Cara and I both finished the practical part of training before Christmas. Cara got the short end of the deal and had to commute to our assigned base in Nevada, but I checked the trip boards once an hour and was able to drop all my trips in Nevada, and picked up an easy one from Georgia. I had no idea that was even possible, but I was absolutely delighted.
I decided to start taking water aerobics with the old ladies at the YMCA and slowly began integrating Pilates, (unhinged treadmill weightlifting Chloe is gone) haha. I feel frustrated that the past two years stretched me so thin as a human being, but I'm coming around.
Christmas passed without incident and my birthday was rather lackluster. I didn't even feel sad about it which I usually do, since I've never gotten a NYE kiss (twenty months since my last kiss). I just felt resigned and 'surrendered' and went to bed at 10pm.
Next year should* be better though.
My feelings about 2022.
